I had a very interesting conversation with my cousin yesterday, then noticed the subject came up again today on a friends Facebook status. Basically our conversation was the State of Dating. I can tell you one thing....I'm glad to be out of the rat race for a "good man".
*So to back up just a bit, I am in no way blaming all men for the State of the dating scene these days, I just have a theory as to why it could be so awful. *
In my opinion and in some of my dealings with men I have noticed a strange pattern. There are way too many men that aren't being Fathers to their children. I tend to think that if there isn't a Father around to show (by example) how to treat a woman with respect and how to raise children, how to be a good husband, and how to be a hard worker, then we aren't going to find many "good men" to marry. But on the other hand I don't understand how a man who didn't have a Father around can still go around making babies that they don't take care of. I'm not a man so I can't tell you what their thinking process is like. But for arguments sake, if I were a man and I didn't have a Father around and I knew how abandoned I felt growing up and how stressed out my Mother felt trying to provide for me and teach me how to be a man, when a woman knows nothing about that, I would want to break that bad cycle. I'd want to stick around and do the opposite of what my "Father" did. But what usually happens is some men use not having a Father at home as an excuse for not knowing how to be a man or Father. That kind of thinking doesn't sit well with me because I've always been the type of person that if I don't know how to do something, I ask for help or find a way to learn how to do it. I totally get it, not everyone is like that, but we can't change ourselves with out some sort of work.
Now this takes me to the other reason why the state of dating these days isn't all on the men, but I will revisit that subject a little bit deeper later.
Women are the problem as well. You can't just blindly through out blame and not look in the mirror. Now I understand this doesn't apply to everyone but there is a reason why some women keep attracting the same kind of man.
#1. You put up with all the B.S. that some of these lames throw at you, and what does that teach them? Nothing constructive. They continue to be the same way with the next girl they meet because you ladies make it way to easy for them not to change. Why would he want to change. He can be an ass and you will still continue to date/sleep with him. Never put up with crap because you just want to have a man....any man. Which brings me to my next point.
#2. If you can't be alone, then HOUSTON WE HAVE A PROBLEM! How can you depend on someone else to make you happy when you don't know what it feels like to be happy on your own? After reading this memoir about a recovering drug addict (great read you should pick up the book, no I'm not a drug addict but I damn sure know how to spot one....A Piece Of Cake by Cupcake Brown) I've learned that if you constantly depend on a man to make you happy at some point you stops being a priority and you will allow that man to treat you badly and misuse you. Most women don't even realize how badly a man is treating them until the relationship is over. And I'm not talking about the men that abuse women, I mean the kind of men that don't appreciate you. And this all leads you to # 1, you will put up with anything just to keep him around. Good or bad. SMH.....
#3. Some of you women didn't have your Father around either. Hey I'm not judging, I didn't have my sperm donor around either. I from time to time sit and think of how much different my self esteem would have been growing up if I had a Good Father (one like my husband) around. Growing up as a little dark skinned black girl is hard. And with out you having a Father around to give you courage or a positive self image you will fall for anything. I think my Mom did a great job, but it took me years to love my skin. Hell I don't think that came until my adult years. Hearing "oooh you so black" and "ooooh she so ugly" doesn't make you have the best outlook on being a dark skinned girl. And the worst part of it all is that it mostly came from lighter skinned black people. Go figure. Don't get me wrong because I had my run ins with a couple of close minded white kids when I was in elementary school in Texas. I had to hear negativity anytime I had my hair braided and even when I was washing my hands in the rest room I was asked if I was trying to wash the black off of me. Yeah I had a lot of fights my first two years in Texas. LOL the Principal just loved me. (I'm totally being sarcastic) But can you imagine how none of those hateful/hurtful words would have affected me had I had a Father telling me how beautiful I was? So I guess I've come back around to blaming men for the state of dating now a days. LOL I tried to make it even guys.....sorry Oh but there is more.....
#4. And my final point.....whew LOL
A lot of you women, grown and newly grown, are not carrying yourselves like ladies. Now don't get me wrong, I curse a lot....A WHOLE LOT! (but I definitely know how to be professional and respectful to elders) And yes I've had my "wild" years. But you newly grown women are something else. You talk so hard that the only way I know you're a woman is if I look at your boobs. You don't know how to tone down the ghetto-ness (is that a word)/hoochiness. Who the hell wants to introduce you to their mom? I would hope when Dominic becomes of age and brings a young lady home to meet me, that he would have enough sense to pick one that has home training and manners. One that hasn't slept with everybody and constantly bragging about how "good" there stuff is, and one that wasn't rolling around on the club dance floor in a mini skirt with their legs gaped open for all to see! Ladies if you don't respect yourselves how in the world do you expect these men to respect you? Stop depending on men to pay your bills. Stop being baby mamas. When the hell did that become a badge of honor? I'm not downing any of you single Mothers because the ones I know work hard and are great examples for their children. But some of you women think it's cute to have multiple children by different men just to see how much child support you can get out of them. Get a job and some dignity! It's one thing to fall in love with some one and have them not turn out to be the Father/Man you thought they would be and you're left picking up the pieces and working hard to cover their share of responsibility, but it's a whole other thing when you are purposely trying to get pregnant because you think it's cute!
